Over Memorial Day weekend, we drove up to Salt Lake City for my grandma's funeral. Just the week before, we drove down to California for your grandma's surprise birthday a day early in hopes of being with my grandma if only for a few moments. She passed away when we were about 3 hours from home. She had been pretty sick the past week and declining in health for the last 6 years, so it wasn't a surprise. And at 94, she had lived a long life. I felt so much love and peace and happiness. Love for the 20 years she lived with and raised me. Peace that she didn't have to suffer any more. And happy that she could be her husband again after a nearly 40 year separation since his passing. I didn't cry in the car then. I didn't cry in the few hours we were by her body before it was taken to the mortuary, though definitely tender. I didn't cry at all that weekend or even the next week. I didn't even cry when I came up to see her laying in her casket the day of the viewing. It wasn't until we concluded the family prayer and that moment the mortuary closed the casket that tears and grief hit my very core. I know we will all be together again someday, but the idea that this was my very last oppotunity to look upon her kind face and hands- suddenly the time before our reunion seemed very long indeed. After a good cry and an attempt to memorize and take in every line of her face, the shape of her hands, every beautiful spot, her soft hands and fond memories of holding them, I felt peace once again.
I'm not sure why I am writing these things to you. You won't remember much of Grandma except perhaps her walker, but I will always have such joyful memories of that wonderful woman who gave so much to me. Maybe this is the last part of my grieving process. Maybe it's because I din't have anywhere else to write this where it won't be destroyed for forgotten. Who knows really. I suppose this was just one of those important moments in life that I think would be wise, if only for myself, to record and remember. But death is natural and a part of everyone's past and future, and so I imagine it is a topic that will live on and be applicable to every generation. Maybe someone someday will find whatever they are looking for in this letter to you.
I love your Great Grandma, Ila Westover Pyper very much. I feel such joy at the thought of being together with her again.
And I love you too, Miss Sofi. You are one very special girl and I am thankful every day that you are part of my life.
